Well that sums it up.
Today I received a call from Pam.
Very nice lady. Very helpful. “I have a date for you . Oct 16th” What???
That’s less than 2 weeks away. I
told her that I needed to give my employer more than 10 days’ notice that I would
be off work for 3 weeks. So she looked
up her schedule. And Oct 31 is available.
And that’s what I am booked for.
So On may 15th I start my two weeks of Opti fast,
on the 29th and 30th, I only get sugar free liquids. And then
I have to fast on the 31st.
the only good news is that my appointment is at 1pm. When my wife had hers, it was at 4pm. That’s a long time with nothing to eat or
drink. So gratefully I am in the AM.
Now that hard part.
Why did I really say no to the 16th. Is it because of work, is it because she
caught me off guard, or is it because I am now a little scared. In all honesty I can tell you its not work,
which leaves the other two. I will not
lie. I am a little scared. I am a little scared about not being able to
eat.
A lot of people on other boards, and videos and such all say
the same thing. I told myself that this
was not going to bother me. But when
push comes to shove. I am scared about
not being able to eat again. But not
eat. I know that I can eat. My wife is proof of that, and so is every
other bariatric patient that eating will occur again. What truly scares me is the Soul stuffing
full that, over the last 15 years I have grown to love and to anticipate. It’s a sad day when you come to realise that
my wanton need for over indulgence is preventing me from moving forward with my
life. It’s a scary proposition. One that I will have to overcome. I have two weeks before the opti starts, so whether it is food funeral
non-stop for the next two weeks, or I have to get my head around this shit
toute suite. So this is the time that
one would say. Shit or get off the
pot.
Im going to move forward.
I am going to food funeral, not to the point where I am going to put on
15 pounds before I start the opti. But I
am going to eat what I want, I want pizza for lunch, im going get a slice of
Pie. Taco bell, Chinese, wings. Yup that’s what I am going to do. Im not going to skip meals or put my family
in finical ruin by eating out every day.
As I typed that out. I am sitting
here just finished Taco Bell for lunch. And
I am feeling guilty for eating it. This
is not a new feeling. What’s the old adage? I eat because I am sad. But eating makes me
sad.. so I eat… Come on Jr. Suck it up.
You have nothing to lose but fat here.
So What Path do I choose I don’t know? I am going to roll with the punches. Make sure that I mentally prepare for the 15th
and get ready for my new life. I will be
back on solids some time in December.
(Merry Christmas to me) you know what the best part is. I am sitting her, thinking. Im going to be 40 lbs down by Christmas. I hope
to be under 300 lbs by Christmas. If not
by my birthday. 40 lbs by Christmas is
reasonable. I figure 15 of it should be
done by the end of the opti. Which when I sit and breath it is truly exciting. To be
not fat again… i know its going to be a long process, a lot of work but I can
see the silver lining. I see other dads
on the street playing basketball, hockey, football.. And I know I can be one of
those. But instead I sit on the porch
secretly yearning to be out there. I can
see the time gained with my kids, I can see the diabetes being put at bay. Maybe not forever but enough to extend my
life. Any additional time with my kids
and my wife are worth any sacrifice.
Since my wife started this process 2 years
ago, I began to research. I wanted
this. I saw a family member struggle
with a Roux –en –y. But hers was done 9
years ago. There was not Center of excellence. It was.
You are coming in on Monday. Fast
for 1 day. And now eat baby food for the next 3 months. Times have changed. A lot of research has gone into the correct
way to move forward after bariatric surgery.
What to eat, how to eat and for how long. So there were times where I did not want to
face the struggles that she faced, the mal nutrition, the hospital visits. ETC. I
get why all this happened to her. So I am
not worried. I know that I am going to
rock this. I will be ready to ride my
bike in the spring, not my motorcycle, but a peddle bike. I am once again going to want to do
stuff. Who knows? I maybe even ready to
hit the toboggan hill with my kids if the snow holds off for a while. Its exciting times … I will go into winter a
a fat caterpillar to emerge as a skinner butterfly on the way to being ‘Normal’
Guys have it easier.
1st off, people do not shun a fat man as much as they do a
woman. “Wow that guy is big. Don’t want to fuck with him.” Whereas woman are looked down upon, which is
sad, and I will not deny that is something that I am 100% guilty of. 2nd. We lose weight a lot faster than woman. Woman are genetically programmed to hold on to
the fat. We men store fat for the winter, and loose it
in the spring when the hunt starts again. Woman, not so much.
Im not going to miss being the fattest of my friends. The big Dad.
Im 6’2.. im always going to be the big dad.. I just don’t want to be the
fattest dad in the room. I don’t want to have to bring my own chairs to
a BBQ. I want to see a chair, and sit
on it. I also always second guess.. Did I
not get invited to something? How much
did I miss because I was spared the indignity of having to say no. Don’t kid yourself, when I get invited somewhere
or to some place. I will run through every possible situation before committing. Will there be room, will I have to fit
somewhere. Will I have to Sit somewhere will it support me. Not anymore… im in…
Looking forward to my new life with my wife.. you bet I am… should I have taken the 16th.. I don’t
think so.. I think I want the time to mentally prepare for the show. My wife got the call up, started her Opti
late because of the last minute call.
And she admittedly missed the opportunity to funeral. So yes.
The 16th would have been awesome from a timing point of
view. But mentally. Not so much.
So here is to moving forward.
