Starting the first post of a blog, well is not an easy
thing. Where do you start, what things
do you discuss. Lets start out with the
Facts.
I am a 40 year old man, with two beautiful daughters and a
super wife. I am super morbidly obese
and have been for quite some time I have Type 2 diabetes and hyper tension. And I say that with a heavy soul. Why.
Well because I have been in denial for a very long time. Comments like “Im the best in shape fat man
you will ever meet”, “Round is a Shape and I have almost perfected it”
Comments like that for years have kept me happy and
complacent for years. I have always known that I have been fat. You know its not hard to figure out. Regardless of how much I hide behind my denial
or make jokes, the truth is. 4x shirts
and 46 waist pants, pretty much make you fat.
A 4x shirt and 34 inch pants is a different story. But that’s not my Story.
20 years ago, shortly after high school (where I was the
Quarterback) Well Liked and in good shape.
I went from playing sports 7 days a week, to going to college, realizing
that 12 oz curls where a lot more fun, while still maintaining the caloric
intake of an athlete turned out to be a bad thing. I had a Well-paying Job working for the City,
living at home and the income to support my drinking and eating. So I quickly went from 6’2 220 lbs with
deltoids that would make Michael Phelps slightly envious. To a 6’2 330 Lb Bus
driver living at home with the money to support my caloric and Alcoholic intake
and a waistline growing faster than the provincial debit. I had no care. I was living high off the Hog,
Literally.
Then one day as part of my job a physical was required. So I went to my GP. She was a farm Girl, that probably had a better
bed side manor with her cows then she had with people. So looked me dead in the eye and said, “Im
not signing this form until you lose 75 lbs”
. If course I lost my shit. No Physical, no licence, no job. So like any good Type A would have done, I
went on a 1200 Calorie diet. She guided
me of course. The meal plan was set so
that I would be in the constant state of ketosis. Low and behold I lost, a lot, and fast. I was losing 7 lbs a week. Every week.
So over the next 10 months or so, I dropped back down to 220. I was Rocking Life. I was Playing Sports again, starting going
out of the house. Starting getting dates.
Life was good. I can maintain
this. Slowly up to 1500 Calories. No Problem.
We can do this. And I did for
about 2 years.
Then over the course of this time, I had the chance to meet
my soul mate. She was a beautiful Fake Blond with big tits, and a mouth like a
trucker, she wore overalls and Doc’s. I
was in love. She; at the time was a
vegetarian that replaced her calories with Menthol cigarettes and Draft Beer
She was my dream Girl. We had a great
time, we partied, we moved in together we loved life. Little did I know that my dream girl had a
past. This past included eating
disorders including but not limited to Anorexia and bulimia. To this day she can still barf out just
enough of whatever to make herself comfortable again. It’s a talent…
So over the course of
time, we were in love… we did not care, so personally I started eating
again. Can you imagine being in love
with your woman and food. It was
bliss. My girlfriend turns out; was able
to overcome her anorexia and we “Grew” More in love together.
Fast Forward 17 years, 2 kids, a house and a mortgage we are
still very much in love, but not going to be for this world much longer. Why; because we are both are out of control
with our eating and are both super fat.
No other way to put it.
Rewind 6 months ago.
My wife’s PCOS was out of control, she could not lose weight even if she
starved herself. She had a VSG and has
since lost 90 LBS, has 100 Lbs to go and could not be happier.
I am so proud of her, she looks awesome, feels better and I
get laid more than once a month, (and that was out of pity)
Okay. Back to
me. The purpose of this blog. I really want to document my journey. I want to put this out there (found or not)
for other People. Especially Men, There
are not a lot of men that post what they are going though. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Not a lot out there. You know the yentas are all over the web with
this. But I want to present a male point
of view. I plan on being honest, and
sincere. And if you find this, and want
to reach out to me. Please feel
free. My goal is to setup up a YouTube
channel as well. Just not certain how
comfortable I am with that yet. But I
will get to it. I have been talking
about this for a while, and took me almost a year to even get started.
I have been in the
program for Bariatric surgery for the last 15 months. The Province of Ontario has a program that
they fund. They allow so many surgeries
per year, and as a result the wait time is quite extensive. In addition there
are only a few “Centers of Excellence” Making the Wait time more. My
wife had to wait for about the same amount of time. On the Plus side. It gives you the opportunity to research, get
your head around the shit. And there is
shit trust me.
Step 1. Convince your
GP or your endo or pig farmer to fill out the extensive paperwork. And that’s just to request that you get
placed into the program. My GP is great,
told me that it was a lot of work, but she got it done.
Step 2: Wait…. Wait
for the Program to get back to your GP to let you know they have received the
request.
Step 3: Wait. For a
letter from the Center. This wait alone
is 4-6 months. Do I call, do I just
wait… what do I do. Well from watching
my wife go through the same thing. I
know it’s just better to wait. Why piss
off the lady that can take your file and move it to the bottom of the list.
Step 4: Wait. Okay
you have your letter. First orientation
Class. Is in 2 months. FML. 2
Months from now. Okay fine. I can wait.
What’s another 2 months?
Step 5:
Orientation. Well let me tell
you. This is 3 hours out of my life
that I am not getting back. And this is
the second time that I have been through.
Because I am a supportive husband and attended with my wife.
The Purpose of this class is to weed out the Lazy. The ill prepared and the people that are not
ready for this life change. The People
that have not done a lick of research. The people that feel that food is more
important than living. During the two
orientation’s that I have been though.
Some people just got up and left.
And the questions. OMG…
Granted some of the people there are less then up to
speed. Clearly some have mental
challenges, live in a home, and I guarantee, have no idea why they are as obese
as they are.
“So After Surgery
can I still drink Orange Juice”
Answer: Well of course you
can. But a smarter choice would be to
eat an Orange.
“But why” answer:
Well because you get fiber, and the amount of sugar in an orange vs strait up
Orange Juice is much less
“So I can drink Orange Juice” Answer: Yes.
But understand that after surgery the smart choice would be to consume
whole foods
“So I can drink Orange Juice” Answer:
an exasperated yes you can still Drink Orange Juice.
I truly feel sorry for the Dietitians and Nurses. But you know who I truly feel sorry for, is
the people like me and my wife. People
that can understand the simple concept why an orange should be eaten and not
drunk. I get it. But because Mr. OJ meets the criterion, he
has every right to be there. However I
guarantee that he will be weeded out. (One of the steps below). But in the meantime people have to wait. Granted the Surgery is not going to be for
everyone. But those of us who have made
the decision, to make this life change should be tri-aged before those who are
forced because of the Home they live in.
Unfortunately there is no way to know from paperwork. I get why some people will dump the 15k to go
to mexico or a private clinic to get it done.
If I had the 15k I would. I truly
know why I am fat. It’s not a
shock. When; calories in > calories
out. You gain weight.
Step 6: Wait… Fill
out a little slip of paper after orientation
I wish[] I do not
wish[] to continue with the bariatric
program at St. Joes.
Easy Choice. Proceed.
Step 7: 1 More month
Passes. A letter arrives in the
Mail. What’s it say. Open it Open it. I’m like a kid at Christmas.
You have an appointment with the dietitian in 1.5
months. Please fill out this paperwork
and get the following Bloodwork done 3 weeks before your meeting.
Fuck this shit. I
go the next day and get my blood work done.
Then I call the center. “Hey Nice
lady on the other end of the phone. I
was wondering if Mr. Food Nazi had any cancellations available” “ why
yes. There is one in 2 weeks. I will schedule you. “ Fuck’n A.
Something positive. Now we are moving.
Step 8: Visit 1 with the dietitian. Adam.
Great Guy. Looks like my Cousin
in Law. So its really hard to take him
seriously.
Review the paperwork, discuss your medical history past and
present. What current meds are you on
ETC. great. Sign me up for my next appointment
Hold on. Not so fast
fatty. “Tell me. What changes have you made in getting ready
for this change in lifestyle” FUCK…
Ha-Ha. Not so fast Adam. This is where My wife got messed up and
delayed her process by 2 months. I got
this.
Well Adam. I have
started logging my food, I have switched to Half Decaf. I have cut out my Pop. Well not true. I have cut it down to about 1 can a week.
All of which I will add.
At the time ( in April 2014) was 100 % true. I was ready. Fast Track Me adam. Lets get this shit
done. So I can start my new life.
Wow… Im impressed Adam commented. I think you are ready to move on to meet the
social worker.
Go to the front and schedule something with the Clerk. But first.
Lets get you on the Scale…
FUCK…. 163… that’s no so bad. Wait… that’s in KG… OMG… im 360 LBS. 46.2 BMI.. .Im a fucken Wale. Better stop at Tim Hortons and get a coffee and Cookie
Step 9: Schedule the
Social Worker. 1.5 months. Sigh… Hurry up and wait.
Step 10: Meet with
the Social Worker. Again. Pretty Strait Forward. Same questions as Food Nazi. With some Mind Fuck Stuff.
Are you really ready for this?
Answer: Yes I am. I
really want to walk my daughters down the Iles, I want to hold my
grandkids. I want to live life
again. I stammered with some tears in my
eye. Not for show. But because its all
true, and I am tired of being fat. The
issue is my addiction to food at this
point is so great. Its pathetic I
know. But it’s the truth.
Do you have any supports?
Answer: Well of
course. See wifey here.
She had a VSG a month ago and we are in this together.
Very good. Lets get
you to see the internist.
Awesome. Lets get
this shit going and getter dun.
Step 11: Wait some more.
3 weeks this time. Meet with the
internist. Clearly im getting old. Because I was about an inch away from calling
this guy Doogie. Anyway more of the
same. What’s your medial history… Im
getting crazy.. same questions all the time.
Plus side… I can see the light at the end of the tunnel here. Its still faint. But I can see the damn thing.
Step 12: Dear
Good. What the hell is step 12. You guessed it. Wait…. I have been cleared by the internist. The good thing is that after Adam. (Step 8) the time frames get closer and
closer… the Months between Appointments now become weeks. In this Case 1.5 weeks. Received a phone call from ‘Nice lady on the
other end of the phone’ We have an
Appointment for you with the surgeon on Sept 23rd. Holy shit.
That’s next week (At the time) Awesome…. And Holy shit. This is Real. Come on fatty… you got this. Lets go get something to Eat
Step 13: Meet the Cutter.
Well If anybody has every had any type of surgery in the
past. Cutters are Cutters. They are Blunt Strait to the Point and pull
no Punches. If you want somebody to be
all lovie-dovie you are in the wrong place sir.
Cutter: I was reviewing your file. And your are a perfect
candidate for Roux-en-y.
Me: But I would like to
talk to you about…..(Cut me off)
Cutter: But. I don’t think this is right.
Fuck. I look at wife
and think that this guy is going to kick me out of program for something.
Cutter: Because of your previous surgery (Had a Kidney
removed 5 years ago because of Renal Cell Carcinoma) I think that I don’t want to Mess with your
intestines. So I am going to do a Vertical
Sleeve Gastrectomy.
Me: Sweet. That’s what I wanted anyway. I have done a lot of research and my
Nephrologists feels that the with complications and potential dehydration and
mal-nutrition with the Roux-en-Y that he thinks……(Cut me off)
Cutter: Listen. We have been doing Roux-en-y’s for 30 years. I have been doing VSg’s for 10. I don’t know which is better than the
other. Internet research. PSH….
Im doing a VSG. If you did not
have a Kidney removed and your intestines messed with to remove the kidney, you
would be getting the by-pass.
ME: OKAY…..
Cutter: you have any
questions
ME: Uh No…..Flabbergasted
Cutter: Here. 3 Weeks of Opti-fast.
ME: Three Weeks. You
suck.. (And that’s what I said)
Cutter: If you can
Promise me that you will drink a ton of water, then I will cut it to 2.
ME: No Problem.
That’s what I do. I drink water.
Cutter: Fine Two Weeks.
You will be getting a call in the next couple of weeks. We will be booking 6-8 weeks from now. And possibly 4
ME: For Real. That’s
Awesome.
Cutter: See you in a
Few Weeks
Me: Cool.
So my 18 months of waiting and waiting has come to a 15 min
with the Cutter. Im doing this. And see
you in a few weeks.
Im still in Shock. I
see how awesome my wife is doing and I cant wait to start my journey to a new
me and a new life with my wife.
Step 14: Wait. Yup..
Wait. So now I am waiting to get the
call from ‘Nice lady on the other end of the phone’ She will give me a date for
my surgery, for my next class with Adam.
And when to start my opti-fast.
So here we are at step 14.
I know it won’t be long, So what
am I doing. Well I am waiting.. and
eating. Im not going to lie to you.. I
have been eating. Anything I can get my
hands on.
I have stopped logging my food. Gone back to high test coffee. And just being
a total Fuckup when it comes to getting ready for this.
Why do I think that this has happened? Simple.
I am going to miss food. I know
this. Its going to fucken suck. My relationship with food has never been
about nutrition. It has been about being
stuffed. If I don’t feel stuffed. I don’t feel fed. So keep eating until your stuffed. There you go.. Now you can stop…. That feels
great… one more bite… okay one
more. Now my soul is full. Im good.
To let the cat out of the bag. For as long as I can remember I have been a
closet eater. I would eat dinner, and
then when nobody was watching, eat some more.
Whether it was sneaking treats out of the pantry when I was a kid, or
eating out after dinner when I was an adult.
O yes. I would find an excuse to
go out and I would get something else to eat.
Until I was soul Stuff-ingly full I was not happy. Now this does not happen every day. There are times where I will go weeks
without sneak eating. But
when that monster comes a calling, he comes hard. Nothing I do will quell the beast. Except eat.
Is it Emotional? I don’t know. Lord knows I feel happy when I am
stuffed. Is it physical? I don’t know.
I love to feel stuffed. Is it mental? I don’t know.
I can tell you that I don’t have that kind of cash to pay for a therapist
to figure that shit out.
So what are we doing?
Well We are having a VSG. ¾ of my
stomach will be removed and I will only ever be able to eat about a cup of food….
And that’s a year down the road. My wife
is just able to eat about a filet of Fish and she is 5 months out.
Why am I moving in this direction? Well because I am going to die. My desire to eat is going to kill me. I need a tool. That will clearly let me know when I have
eaten enough. Something that will punish the beast. Eat to much.. you are going to pay.. you are
going to barf and you are going to be in pain for the next 2 hours. How’s that for a mind fuck. Can’t wait.
To date I have been lucky. Yes I have
the ‘Sweet Pee’ and high blood Pressure.
But to this point I have no complications. But the Cutter. As Blunt as he could be. “We have people just like you in the
ICU. Missing Feet, Legs and fingers” we need to get this done now.”
Agreed.
I know a few people that have had WLS and I have asked them..
“Do you have any regrets” and the common answer is NO: With the caveat that the first 2 months, they
hated.
Why; Because there is part of you
that is lost. The part of you that eats.
Meals are no longer about eating. They are about being with your Family and
enjoying the company.
Holidays are no
longer about eating. They are about the
holiday. You know what. I think im okay with this. I can’t wait until food no longer rules my
life.
In the past, my wife and I would drive around (Kid break,
grown up time) and talk about our days. And
dream of the restaurants that we wanted to try.
“Oh.. that place is new, that
place looks fun, I heard about this place”
And I am not going to miss that. In
fact I think I miss that now. I know my
wife cannot eat the quantities that she used to. And Food for her is no longer a focus. So our drives and chats still remain the
same. I just have to catch myself when
my brain wants to blurt out “I so want to try that new restaurant” But I don’t..
And a little bit of me dies. Metaphorically
of Couse.
So over the next few weeks I am going to post my feelings
and progress, I will bitch about stuff
and just let it all out for the world to find.
I do intend to continue this blog as I loose, as I get back
into shape (Not Round) and my triumphs and failures.
I really want to Be me Again. When I was younger I used be outgoing, active
and spontaneous. Now I am a couch potato
that struggles to go to baseball. Things
I used to be good at, I am not able to do as well… things that were easy,. Now hurt.
Im so done with this old life. Its
so not worth it any longer to be sad and miserable and more focused on my next
meal then having fun.
I don’t expect this to be easy. I am grateful that I am not a junk
eater. I don’t go for candies or chips
or that kind of stuff. I just want quantity. I don’t care if it is Salad or roast beef. I’m going eat it until it hurts. So that
will make things easier. Because of
this, I do not expect that I will fall into the trap of slider foods. (Foods that slip through your pylorus easily,
such as milk shakes, candy, and sweets)
What is going to suck.. is Pasta. I’m going to miss that. Wife and I have already cut the majority of
the pasta out of our diets.. and the pasta we eat is no-yolks. Not as soul nurturing and the good old Durham
wheat. But does get the job done.
So moving forward. I
plan to kill ‘My fitness Pal’ and start
from scratch. When my wife started her
journey we did MFP together, logged our food and it was good. I actually lost 20 lbs. and the last 5 lbs. about 15 times… But that’s
totally my fault. So when I get the
call. I am going to Start MFP at 0 from day 1 of Opti-fast.
Why a Sleeve called Steve (Steve the sleeve was taken …Bastard). Well my wife has decided to name her Sleeve, because
when ‘Sharon’ is having a bad day or wakes up grumpy or will not her eat that
last bit of rice on her plate.. we blame ‘Sharon’ and my wife likes to do it in her best Ozzy
Voice. ‘ Fuck’n Sharon’… So not to be outdone.
‘Steve the Sleeve’ is what I came up with.
So we now have:
Sharon, Henry the hernia and Steve the Sleeve. Henry came about after my kidney was removed,
I decided to go back to baseball 3 weeks after surgery. Let me tell you that won’t happen again
So that’s it. That’s my
life in a nut shell, I am a fatty with eating issues that is having a VSG. Really looking forward to starting a new
life. I want to be active again. I want to Skydive. I want to ride my Motorcycle with my
wife. I want a life.. and its coming soon..
My kids and My wife are not going to know what hit them. Exciting times ahead.
Time for luch
Time for luch
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