Acceptance

This Morning I weighed 341 LBS

So what happened this morning?

 Well I woke up with a wicked headache at 4am. When my almost 6 year old daughter could not find her “Suzy”   so after standing over our bed for 10 min and arguing that she looked for it.  My wife got up, found it in her bed in plain sight.   

During my attempt to fall back asleep I realised that I start my opti fast diet in 7 days.  

Then I realised that I am suddenly at piece with it.  When I got the call last week for my dates I went hard on the eating out.  Food Funeral with the taco bell, and pizza.    Times I would be wondering if I would be hateful of the decision that I made.  Wondering, do I want to back out of this?  Would I rather eat myself to death, then to never eat again?  Every day I ask my wife “No Regrets” and her answer is an emphatic No!.    I, for so long have had a secrete relationship with food (Really?  Not so secrete if you look at me).  The Centre has made it very clear that it is going to take a long time to change your attitudes and behaviours.  After all “You did not wake up Obese”   

So.  Have I gone through the stages?  I think so.  Rather quickly, I assume that I really had no choice. Over the last 18 Months. I have had many opportunities to get over this.  But until you get that call, it’s at the back of your mind.  

Until you get to this point.  There is nothing to fear.. “It’s going to be 18 months”, “Its going o be 12 months”, “Its Going to be 6 months”, “holy shit its next week”  that’s when it sinks in. 

Over the last 4 nights I have read through my St. Joes  Bariatric  Handbook.  Reading the week 1-6 eating plan, “Okay so for the first 3 day in hospital, Clear Liquids” okay.. Surgery, I’m sure I’m not going to want to eat or drink anyway.

“Okay Week 1 – Full Fluids… Protein shakes, Soup, Milk” okay.. Only 1 week coming down.. I’m sure I’m not feeling well

“Okay Week 2 – Full Fluids – Start adding some Cream soups” No problem..

Shit.. When do I get to eat again?

“Week 3 Sweet – Hummus and Tuna- Can’t wait”

“Week 4 – Meat… Boiled and shredded chicken… Eggs” 

“Week 5 – Introduce Cold cuts” Sounds sweet.

“Week 6”  =- Return to Normal Eating if you are able to tolerate food.

So looking at a calendar.  Week 6 takes me to the 12 of December.  Then normal eating from that point on.

Seems like a doable feet.. No real food for 5 weeks.. (2 weeks of Opti and then 3 weeks of liquids)  No Problem.    Ask my wife, or any other Patient… it’s the longest fuck’n 5 weeks of your life.  Its okay.  Its for the best.  Assuming I follow my wife’s trend.  70 Lbs post op in 4.5 Months.  Puts me at a svelte 270 by  February.  Amazing.  50 more pounds puts me at 220… my “Playing Weight” and then 20 more to my goal of 200. I would love to be 250 or so by the start of ball next year.. Im sure down 100 lbs would make ball a lot more enjoyable

That’s my Goal.. 220 is realistic, but 200 would be wonderful.

Also during my Reading (which I have done tons of times in the last 18 months) but things do not always sink in.  But… I am to stop all Diabetic medication right after surgery.  Granted, the Visit with the nurse 1 week post op may change things.. But still.  Stopping my diabetic meds after surgery is awesome.    I yearn for the day that I am off my meds.  I may never come off completely.   But it has to be better than the 6 that I take now.  When I start the opti I get to cut meds down by half right away, and stop of my testing indicates that my sugars are under control… so freak’n exciting.

So at the end of the day.  I am at peace with starting the Opti.  I get to chow at Thanksgiving, then on the wagon…. Not having coffee is going to suck.. I cant drink it black.  So I will have to cut that out.  might have to switch to some caffeine free tea.  Im looking forward to this.. I don’t want to be fat anymore…